Here's a little song I wrote just now. I hope you enjoy something that happens today, and accidentally attribute that enjoyment to this song.

The Ballad of Westinghouse

I wish I had a house made entirely of red licorice,
Except for the other invisible parts that aren't
Then I would change my name to Garment Satchel Twist
And create a brand new word that rhymes with "aren't"
There are folks who say that Delaware will be blown to tiny bits
When the geocentric universe catches a cold
But it seems a bit more likely that Donald Sutherland would rise from the dead
And then die again after eating a sandwich made entirely out of mold

chorus
Oh, I wish that my refrigerator could walk and talk and have a soul
And tell me how enjoyable the donut casserole really is
I think that my imaginary friend would really appreciate how good a Westinghouse is
At doing long division and keeping its fizz

My catatonic dog is entirely unable to catch a frisbee
Even when it's made entirely of fly paper turned inside out
So I think that I shall eat a candle then eat an additional larger candle
And pretend that all floutists play an imaginary instrument called a flout
But if Betsy Ross were alive today and working as an optometrist in Newfoundland
Then I'd run and flail my arms about and scream "Historical figures are rising from the dead"
Because we all know that in order to be a quote-unquote historical figure
It must be decided upon by a committee that holds meetings in a shed

repeat chorus

bridge
Where is my transparent case filled with Lego blocks?
I need to fashion an automobile that's more symmetrical than this

If there were a school that specialized in teaching refrigerators
How to speak foreign languages and make useful things out of bamboo
Then I would disguise myself as a refrigerator and learn those foreign languages
And taunt Westinghouse by declaring "I'm smarter than vous"
But then I'd make it up to him by sending him to an optometry school
That seems willing to accept a student that doesn't have opposable crispers
Then he could pursue a graduate degree in Medieval Breath Freshening
Since an inordinate number of near-sighted people enjoy guacamole and are also lispers

repeat chorus, fade to eerie silence