The Thirteenth Dimension
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Super Elastic Combustion Rodeo

A Quick Run-Through Of A Hastily Jotted Down Brainstorming Session About The First Steps For What Will Likely Be My Resolutions For The New Year - Volume One

 

Seeing as how we're neck-deep in the dog days of August, I am reminded that it is about time to be planning some more New Year's Resolutions. Of course, I've already compiled several pages of resolutions for the next new year, but there are now less than four months left to finish the rough draft, submit them to my editor, polish up an executive summary for my board of directors, get a note from my daddy, and then ship them to the Tibetan sweat shop to be published in a leatherbound edition. You know, for the kids.

Here's what I've got thus far. I know what you're thinking - I'll have all of these resolutions nailed by early March. But if I don't get them in writing, I can't submit them to Reader's Digest later on in life, anecdotally. I rest my case.

  • Devise a scheme for doubling the point values of all the Betty Crocker box tops I've collected.
  • Convert to the metric system.
  • Buy another basket, and stop putting all of my eggs in that one basket.
  • Hit a bases-clearing double in the big game.
  • Hyphenate.
  • Find some middle ground between quantum mechanics and general relativity.
  • Compile a 3-disc set of my greatest hits.
  • Wear more cotton.
  • Annex South Dakota, once and for all.
  • Get some 8x10 glossies of my last known photograph.
  • Throw my hands in the air, and wave them like I just don't care.
  • Learn to think in Esperanto, and not just speak it.
  • Burp my Tupperware.
  • Read a book.
  • Hire a wino to decorate our home.
  • Train a monkey.
  • Blind somebody with science.
  • Trick Captain Kangaroo into saying 'ping pong balls'.
  • Do more before 9 A.M. than most people do all day.

 

Super Elastic
Combustion Rodeo
Historical Society
Last time, on the Rodeo...

 

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