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I wish I knew crafts
Then I could make some new pants
Of macaroni
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When you're in my way
I can't buy more cereal
So move your cart, please.
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My super powers
Demand that I don a cape
And wear some glasses.
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Talk about round things,
Man, how about those circles?
Yep, they sure are round.
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The size of my head
Can't be expressed with mere words
Unless it's in song.
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See a penny, sir.
Pick it up with your fingers.
Try not to eat it.
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This is your goiter
This is your goiter on PEZ
Any dispensers?
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All of my haiku
Were written by my own hand
Except those I stole.
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Why does that fish food
Look like tiny bacon bits?
Jealousy blinds me.
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So no one told you
That haiku would be this way?
I've been here for you.
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While it's on my mind
Let me say that you smell great
Keep up the great work.
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If I had a dime
For every reader I have
I could buy soda.
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If Mars does attack
They should use huge asteroids
But I won't tell them.
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I think "Helmut Kohl"
Would be an excellent name
For my first daughter.
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Sometimes I pretend
I'm drinking Aqua Velva
Instead of Kool-Aid.
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Words used for healing
Like salve, lozenge, and ointment
Sure do sound funny!
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Always remember:
A triangle plus one side
Is no triangle.
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Carpe burrito!
Seize the border while you can!
Fill your spork with life!
|
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Linger with us here.
We'll draw fish pictures, and play
Breakfast With Amy.
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A big, purple lump
Who represents our milkshakes.
Why should I worry?
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Fill in the substance:
Wordless songs and blurred pictures
Our happy montage.
|
There's this astro-guy
And he walks into this place...
I forgot the rest.
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Hey, that's not a toy
You're piggy-backin' a bomb
Get off that thing... now!
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Life is a Tex-Mex:
A chicken chimichanga
With, or without beans!
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If you scratch my back
Then I'll give you an award,
Cuz that's a big back!
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I'm a pirate, mate!
I've got a patch on me eye!
Arrgh! I'm a pirate!
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The magic dance belt:
Flashy, trendy, practical.
Go get yours today!
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My! Now that's sassy!
Toss that hair and throw that chin.
You do have the look!
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When I feel mad, RATS!
The tire fell off my go-cart!
And boy, can I scowl!
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My leather jacket
Makes me feel cool like Fonzie,
But look like Potsy.
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If I were a bird,
I'd try to hold my B.M.'s.
How embarrassing!
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Oh to be named Steve...
I'd give my eye teeth for it,
If I could find them.
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I'm a Wonder Twin.
Yes, I still have that haircut
Just like my sister's.
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I think of Hootie
And I think of the Blowfish.
I just don't get it.
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I know there are trees
And I've seen there is evil
But trees aren't evil!
|
These pants ought to last
As long as I own my car.
That's a guarantee!
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Ahhh, how short life is.
We're all yellow sticky notes,
Memos, for a time.
|
They paved paradise?
I still cannot find parking
Except in Egypt.
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I drew the duck blue.
I'd never seen a blue duck,
But I wanted to.
|
¿Feo musica?
No fue mi tocadisco.
Eso si que es.
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In this galaxy,
Darth Vader's a punk rocker.
The force kicks my butt.
|
Don't you hate it when
You meant to say "I'm sorry,"
But said "Whatever!!!"?
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The mighty wiper
Single-wiperedly cleans all
The rain from the Jag.
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Lots of my haiku
Are drawn from weird things in life.
Except for this one.
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The Cartesian plane -
The most economical
Way to Cartesia.
|
When I was your age,
There was no cool poetry.
It all had to rhyme.
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Can a cat survive
With just a single bongo?
Only if he's good.
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"Peering through veiled glass"
Is a phrase I don't use much,
Though it sounds neat-o.
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Of all body parts,
My favorite is the goiter -
A thing of beauty.
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God good, devil bad.
Haiku dull, will to live gone.
Pants tight, nose itching.
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Ponch macho, John shy.
Bike cool, helmet cumbersome.
Disco dead, show gone.
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On a sunny day,
Take a little time to bathe.
You'll be glad you did.
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When you said funny
I thought you meant like "ha-ha"
Sorry that I laughed.
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If I were a toy,
I guess I'd be a Weeble...
Except I fall down.
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You're incredible
It's not like you're amazing
I don't believe you.
|
Just wait one moment
And things will work out to be
As you first had planned.
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Mother, come here please.
They've come to take me away.
Where are my shoestrings?
|
Though you are so cool,
Why do you munch Scooby snacks?
You're eating dog food!
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Clap on and clap off...
I could invent cool gadgets.
Then they'll dig my scene.
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Accolades to you!
You ate every last Frito!
You rock in my book.
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I have a torso.
I wash all of it each day.
It's my best feature!
|
Earlier today
I talked to my pillowcase.
It surprised me too.
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Is it hot in here?
Are you hot? I'm very hot!
It's like a sauna.
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What's punch all about?
It's like a bizarre church drink
For boring events.
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One piece at a time
It didn't cost me a dime
You'll know when it's me.
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Mine will do cosine
But yours can find the cubed root.
My pursed lips tell all.
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